can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
