I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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