I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I can't turn off my feet"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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