I accidentally had phone sex last night
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
