So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Someone came in the potted fern
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
