You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
