The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
