so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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