I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
