y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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