hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
