i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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