Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
