You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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