the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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