I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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