He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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