Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
