One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
