I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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