Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
There's always time for handjobs
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
