dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
