i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
