Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
