I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
