I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
