I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
