grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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