So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
