This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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