I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
