You can't special order awesome
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
