she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
