He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
