A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
