i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My breath smells like gin and sadness
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
