i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
