thanks...oh and i got my period
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!