I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.