Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
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how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
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The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows