It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
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Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
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Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.