I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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