youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
last night I used snow as a chaser
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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