my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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