What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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