I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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