I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
