the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I AM VODKA MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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