And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
