Are we in a gay sports bar?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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