So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
