hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
