6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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