He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
