We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He kissed a someone with a penis
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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