my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
