Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize