I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
