think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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