also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
whose ass print is on the piano?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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