You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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