i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
it's like iHOP with fire
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
there is glitter all over my balls
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