I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
