The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
