I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
