We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
