im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
