I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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