I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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