Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
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he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
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Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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