i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
