i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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