oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
