Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
