Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
